He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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