I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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