Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
