I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
