Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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