Your face is a jimmy john
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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