You work out of a Hotel?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
