Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
