I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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