Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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