There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
