well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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