Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
