Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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