Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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