I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
