we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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