I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
