that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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