I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
