I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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