it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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