just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
