New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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