There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
