I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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