i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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