just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
