Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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