You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
