I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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