Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
