i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
