Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
