Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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