Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
