I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
