Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
