Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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