apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
