Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
