i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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