Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
