They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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