butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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