eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
