what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
