so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
