if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
