You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just invented taco cereal.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
