just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
