Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
