Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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