Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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