Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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