I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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