I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
