i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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