when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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