Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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