So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
