between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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