i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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