After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
