My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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