remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Drunk is not a location!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
