tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
