And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
