In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
